‘Tis the season! Beautiful season indeed, if you’re totally cool with fending mobs at the shopping mall, cat-fighting for the best sales, and blackmailing children into behaving like half-decent human beings. Lurvs.
The holiday season rolls around and I tend to feel jolly and fine. I’m no Christmas superstar or a gift-giving extraordinaire by any means (in fact, I’m quite the opposite: I’m a shitty gift-giver. There, I said it.), but I manage to enjoy the festivities anyway.
There is, however, one thing that will push me to the edge of insanity. One thing alone that can make the difference between happy mom and going postal.
Gift wrapping.
Have you seen toys lately?
Whatever happened to good ol’ squared and rectangular boxes? Tell me you, oh internets people, is it absolutely necessary to shape packages like a pagoda? And examples like this abound! Star-shaped, semi-circular, half-mooned, strangely-angled bullcrap. Did the packaging designers even think or care how much the average parent like moi would cuss and wish them painful death? Surely they’re all young, single and childless. It’s the only explanation.
Don’t even suggest using gift bags instead of wrapping paper because there’s no tearing and ripping involved in that, and who cares about a gift if you can’t open it like a raging, rabid lunatic? Socially approved violent destruction is half the gift, imo.
Next year I’m boycotting any flashy sons of bitches that show off with inventive and innovative packaging. I’m looking at you, Mattel.
