Pristina is a blonde and blue-eyed tiny thing with a soft voice and girly giggle. She is mother to five (yes, five) beautiful children, all as blonde and blue eyed as one could possibly be. She’s married to a nice and laid-back guy named… um.. Mane.

I’m writing all this without Pristina’s formal permission and I’m sure there’s something in the internet code of friendship about thy shall not blog thy’s friend’s family picture without consent or some shit, but this is a fair representation of Pristina and her brood.

Except they all have arms. And her baby doesn’t levitate.

Anyway. Pristina is like any other woman in many ways: she’s dedicated to her kids, complains about laundry and her asshole dog, and enjoys the internet. I’m willing to assert that she finds particular joy in Pinterest– you know, scrolling pictures of yummy cakes and cute party decorations. However, she has a very peculiar trait that I have yet to witness in anyone else, which makes of this otherwise normal suburbian matriarch a magician of sorts. Unlike most other women on the interwebs… she actually makes what she pins. 

Who does that, right!? I know.

Everyone knows that Pinterest is the virtual version of those old crocheting magazines that a mother buys (or inherits) to use as door stoppers and stepping stools. It is the equivalent to those old recipe books that everyone has but nobody follows. Pinterest is the online collection of what you wish you could do but soon forget about altogether.

Not Pristina.

This woman goes back and tries that shit. Cool recipe for fried jalapeños stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon? She made them. Cute veggie patch with cattle panel as arched climbing structure for beans and cucumbers? Girl done it. Turning old man clothes into girly dresses? She’s got it. Who would have thought that one could actually make something out of Pinterest? Not me.

She’s a cool friend to have. I happened to post on Facebook the picture of a cute baby onesie that read ‘Product of online dating’ and next thing I know BAM she made it for me.

Baby Era sporting auntie Pristina’s creation

Well. For my baby. I don’t think it would look as cute on me.

She found recipes for homemade lip balm and some soft, silky bars with mosquito repellent properties and shared us some.

Needless to say I fully support her Pinterest habit and will continue to secretly wish I could be more like her.

But… that’s not all.

There is yet another side to Pristina, The Queen Of Pinterest.

Like the unexpected twists and turns of a bad Mexican highway, this shit gets more exciting.

See, something happens when Pristina is alone in her car surrounded by the emptiness of having left all her kids at home. She transforms.

Plain and simple: little suburban mama gets dir-tey.

She (violently) raps along to timeless classics like Pop that Pussy by 2 live crew and Let me smell yo dick by Riskay. All in her mini-van. I can’t make this shit up.

For me, my friend Pristina embodies what women are: capable, efficient, clever, skillful, creative, nurturing…. and sometimes just plain nasty.

To all the Pristinas out there: I fucking love you.

Keep it interesting.

Me at eight months post-partum

As a result some friends messaged me to ask what it is that I’ve been doing. Hence I write this.

This post is divided in two parts: that one you’re probably expecting… and the other one, maybe not so much.

The Miracle Cure

Quick, fast: lose the weight, tighten that ass, firm up those arms. We want it all and we want it fast. As a personal trainer I think my clients invariably hope I’ll come up with the magical remedy that will take away the extra pounds in two days. Obviously there is no such thing.

We have to create new habits. 

It sounds like a long and hard process, but I don’t think it is. We well know that it’s madness to keep doing the same things and expecting different results. If you want a different body you have to choose different things.

Take a moment and define if this adventure of change is really what you desire, or maybe you wish to remain the same. I assure you there is no incorrect answer.

………..

You’re still here? Ok then. Keeping on.

1) Nutrition

Probably the most important determining factor on our success or failure on changing the way our body looks is what we eat. I want to be very clear that when I speak of diet I’m referring to the real meaning of the word, which is Foods and drinks a person consumes for their nourishment. When I speak of “diet” I’m referring to those (in my opinion) silly fabrications of Atkin’s, the cabbage diet, the moon diet and what have you. I have never ever followed a “diet” nor do I recommend them because they are not a sustainable practice. Sooner or later you’ll stop following their rules and gain the weight back. Also, the whole notion of living life full of limitations and thinking “I can’t have that” or “I shouldn’t eat that” is not a healthy practice in any way.

Food is fuel for your body. You wouldn’t pour alcohol down the tank of your new BMW and expect it to run smoothly, that would be stupid. Yet, this is exactly how many people live their lives, filled with sugary or fried stuff, processed things or colas, and then wondering why the pants won’t fit, heartburn is attacking and the headaches won’t go away. We must be honest and see what we have been doing if we wish to change.

What I do- My personal motto has become There ain’t no wrong a veggie can’t fix.   Lacking energy? Eat more veggies. Feeling bloated and slow? Eat more veggies. Constipated? Eat more veggies. Want to shed the extra pounds? Eat more veggies. Illness, health problems, aches? Eat more veggies.

To this day I have not met one single person whose life went downhill for eating more vegetables. On the other hand, I do know many whose health and figure now shine thanks to our humble plant foods.

There is something in vegetables that a burger can’t give you. It’s food that is alive, that vibrates, nurtures and energizes. It is fuel of the best kind for the wonderful machine that is your body, and it deserves the best of the best. You don’t have to go full blown vegetarian (although if you wish to experiment, feel free. Millions around the world live quite happily like this.) The key is to make veggies the bulk of your diet. Give them priority over other foods and you’ll see how slowly they’ll crowd out the less stellar choices.

My normal day includes veggies in every meal. Fruit smoothies with spinach when I wake up, then fried eggs with sauteed veggies for breakfast. Homemade vegetarian pizza for lunch, and for dinner a large, colorful and very varied salad with brown rice pasta and my choice of protein. I eat well and I eat often, but my choices follow suit with what I know my body deserves.

Just like “diets”, in my daily practice I avoid falling into the mental trap of constant negation and prohibition. I’m not interested in falling into an obsession with a clean or perfect diet, so it doesn’t cause me any issues to have ice cream every so often, or a chocolate once in a while. Although, interestingly enough, as my love and respect for my body has increased so has decreased my interest in food that harms.

2) Movement, exercise

Remember when you were a child and you loved to move. When did this enjoyment die out?

I think it’s still within you and just has to be rediscovered.

What I do- Some time ago I decided I wanted to be paid to dance. No, not like that. What I mean is I became a Zumba instructor, and as such I get an exceptional work out four hours a week. Other than that what I love to do is lift weights because it reminds me that I’m strong and it creates wonderful definition in the muscles.

For people (maybe you?) who don’t have much time or drive to exercise, my recommendation is this: if you’re only going to do one thing, make it lift weights. Forget spinning or aquaerobics, lift lift lift! No, woman, you’re not going to get “bulky” or “manly”, those are outdated myths. What you will get is more slender and defined, I can tell you from experience (and science backs me up).

Strength training gives you the best bang for your buck, er, time. This means that you will get the best results in the least amount of time. Increasing your muscle mass automatically burns more calories throughout your day, without you having to do anything else, did you know that? Although I want to feel flattered at people perceiving me as very dedicated and disciplined, the honest truth is that I can’t make myself spend hours working out at the gym. I haven’t stepped in a gym in over a year, nor do I wish to do so because I’d rather be with my baby. What I lift I lift at home, with a set of exchangeable dumbells that belonged to my husband. This process doesn’t have to be your worst sacrifice, trust me.

Up to this point I think my suggestions are pretty normal and possibly what you expected I would say. Now for the good stuff…

There is one more thing that I have left for the end because to me it is the most important thing. If there happens to be a grand mystery, this is it.

3) The secret

The secret to having the perfect body is that… you already have the perfect body.

If right now you’re chuckling with sarcasm, rolling your eyes or making faces because yeah right I ask you to notice this, observe it. How do you feel to have me tell you your body is perfect? Maybe there’s resistance. Maybe you feel frustrated or cynical. Maybe you’re uncomfortable by the turn this is taking. Maybe there’s just denial and absolute rejection.

Whatever it is, you’re not alone. So many of us have felt like this, hurt ourselves for years sunken in self-criticism. Today we change.

Your body is perfect because it is yours and it has carried you through life; proof is that you’re here. Those beautiful legs, that maybe you qualify as flaccid or with cellulite, have held you up through hell or high water. Those legs have taken you in amazing journeys, or they have walked you down the aisle to the love of your life. With those legs you have jumped joyfully at your favorite concerts. Those legs deserve all your love.

That wonderful mid section that you see too big or flabby is the one that expands when creating life and is home to so many of your organs. How fascinating that everything is protected by just those muscles, that maybe you’ve undervalued because they’re not a six-pack. But not anymore, because those muscles have served you faithfully and have protected and kept your life. That abdomen deserves all your love.

Those splendid arms, so strong and yet so affectionate, even if you have seen them with disdain because they’re not quite firm. But if they’re made of fortitude! Let someone even try and rip your child away from your arms and you would see the immesurable power of which they are capable. Of that same magnitude is their tenderness when reaching out to the loved one in need. Those arms deserve all your love.

My physical accomplishments, as modest as they are, leave me satisfied and what I want to tell you today is that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have been able to reach my goals because I understood that this process — and life itself!– is simpler and more enjoyable with love. In love there is no resistance nor opposition. In love there is only acceptance. In acceptance change tends to flow with ease. Or do you think grand athletes got to be thanks to criticizing and hating how stupid and useless their body is? Of course not. Change your focus and you will change your life.

In love we stop saying I look so fat I have to lose some weight and we say I choose healthy foods because I love myself and this is what I deserve. What a world of difference this makes!

What I do- Just like daily exercise, just like daily healthy eating, self-love is to be practiced every day. Every day I find myself exchanging thoughts of self criticism for thoughts of constructive truths. I switch from I really have to define these legs to I have strong legs that support me to perfection. From I have to shrink that waist to I accept and love myself exactly as I am. 

The process is to be lived with love. You cannot wait for your body to look the way you wish it did to then begin loving it because this is placing conditions, which goes directly against the principle of love. Love is unconditional, so don’t give your body conditions it must first fulfill. To do so is incongruent and it just doesn’t work.

No matter what you see in the mirror, love it. First recognize the existing perfection of your body and so the magic will unleash. Such is the natural consequence.

This is the grand secret that isn’t published in fitness magazines and that experts fail to describe. There is no diet or amount of miles in the treadmill that can do for your body what your love and acceptance can do.

This is my reality and with much honesty I share it with you. The decision to practice it or not is, as always, all yours.

With love.

I wholeheartedly hope you never do us wrong. More specifically, I hope you’ll never piss my husband off.

Or, ok fine, I really don’t mind if you cross him because, you know what? It’s entertaining as hell to hear him solving your customer service mishaps.

You’ll be wrong to think that he’ll yell or cuss like the usual irate customer does; no, that sounds more like something I would do. He won’t threaten legal action or scandal, even when I sit like the devil on his shoulder and egg on that he totally should. He won’t defile your social media sites with nasty comments or leave ugly messages in your voice mail, no, that’s too ordinary a reaction and this is no ordinary man. What he will do is a form of art that escapes a vast amount of the population.

He will use reason and logic.

See, the man I married is like the motherfucking Yoda of arguments. Heavens save you, corporation,  if you screw up with him because this husband of mine is careful and wise to never enter an argument unless absolutely certain he is one hundred percent correct.

And once he knows this, there is no backing down.

He will keep his cool and talk to you like the human being you are. He will explain once and twice and thrice his completely valid and logical points.

He will do so again as necessary, from slightly different angles and spelling things out, until eventually you are left feeling like an idiot because dude totally makes sense and you can no longer pretend otherwise.

He knows it and you know it. He’s right. And you’re fucked.

So this is how time and time again this man I share my life with reaches agreements and gets his money’s worth, by getting his facts straight and not shying away from coherent, reasonable, intelligent confrontation.

And he does it all without being an arrogant, insensitive asshole.

<3

Happy Sunday!